Playtime and Bathtime

Sometimes I feel like the world is conspiring against Lukie and my nursing efforts. The lip tie surgery didn't fix everything. The right side felt fine; he still was chewing on the left. And now we have a thrush infection. He's asymptomatic, which is good because it would drive me crazy if nursing hurt me AND him, but I'm in a lot of pain all the time now. Sigh. We'll get there. Or we won't. I'm getting to that point.

On the happier side, though, Luke is changing so quickly! He's been going through a growth spurt the last few days- eating every hour and a half, fussing all the time. However, he's finally hit the "sleepy stage" of his growth spurt and slept almost all day yesterday. He's starting to follow things with his eyes, focus with both of them on a particular object, and ALMOST smile sometimes. He's clearly mimicking facial expressions- if you open your mouth wide, he often does the same thing. It's pretty awesome.

He's also starting to show when he's bored. The other night he was fussing no matter which way I held him. I needed to wash his face (he's got some serious baby acne right now and I try to wash it with mild soap and water once a day), and I decided that since he was already pissed off, I'd take him to get that done. I put the towel down on the bathroom sink and placed him on  there, and voila, he stopped crying and started looking at the little clock we keep on the bathroom counter. He'd been bored. And now he wasn't.

We went in the living room and "played" with a couple toys then. He was content for a good half an hour staring at the rattle that my friend Pandy gave us.

Last night was also the first time we gave Lukas a real bath (not a sponge bath). He was...not a fan. There's video, too, but it's mostly him screaming and me apologizing and telling him Mommy didn't really know what she was doing. We might work on slowly introducing him to water.

I LOVE the way he smells after a bath. And I spent about half an hour playing with his crazy hairs. Right after I wash them, they stick STRAIGHT out from his head.

 Dixie likes the way he smells, too.

We're gonna go on a walk today-- it's too nice out to stay inside!

(EDIT: We went for a walk and talked to Lynette at the Creamy Cup and Marilyn (my theater director)...what a gorgeous day! Also, I'm pretty darn proud of myself...pre-baby jeans fit like a glove, even if I'm lookin' a little busted in these pictures.)

3 weeks old!

Well, we made it to three weeks...but what a challenging three weeks they have been. If everything had gone according to plan, they would still have been challenging. Like any baby, Lukie wakes up to eat every two hours in the night, gets gassy sometimes, and has definite preferences we're figuring out (burp him by patting his butt, not his back; don't swaddle his arms, he does NOT like that; sing him lullabies if you want him to calm the crap down; wait until he's completely asleep before you start filing his fingernails but, LORD, do not forget to file them or he will butcher his own face). However, we've had a couple extra challenges along the way.

I haven't really written about this because I figured it was something all new moms go through. I've been in excruciating and increasingly sharp pain while trying to feed him for the last two weeks. At first, I let the pain go because I figured I was toughening up, and, well, without getting too detailed, why wouldn't I be sore? I've got a kid attached to me!

I realized late last week, though, that the amount of pain I was experiencing wasn't normal and should be getting better, not worse. Toward the end of the week, I started trying to find a lactation consultant to help me figure out what was going on to cause me so much discomfort. It was really hard to figure out. When you're at the hospital, they tell you to watch to make sure your baby's lips are flanged, and to do this whole "tummy to tummy, nipple to nose" thing, and apparently, everything should work if you get those things right. The nurses had watched Lukas nurse and said he was doing great-- flanged lips, keeping his nose free to breathe, blah, blah, blah. I figured I'd have a little extra toughening up pain because I'm allergic to the lanolin cream they give you to help ease the initial pain. Wool allergies and lanolin don't mix.

Over the last two weeks, though, things have been going downhill. Particularly on my left side, I felt Lukas CHOMPING on me. I called the hospital; they didn't have an explanation, recommended some plastic shields to wear while he was nursing, but I was really reluctant to use anything because I didn't want to be dependent upon them to nurse. Finally, after I called the hospital the third time, they referred me to an Independent Board Certified Lactation Consultant. I'm so, so thankful I finally got to her.

Over a couple of days, I described to Katherine the things that were happening: the feeling that Lukas was chewing on me, the severe and worsening latch-on pain, the fact that he fell asleep two minutes into nursing and I had to torture him to keep him awake. We decided that she needed to see me, and set up an appointment on Monday...which was canceled when she thought she might have a staph infection. Talk about frustrating. I thought we were going to solve the problem, and then I had to wait to make sure she wouldn't infect my kid with something.

Monday night, while talking to her, she suggested that we send her a picture of the inside of Lukas' mouth, specifically under his front lip and under his tongue. We sent her this:

Clearly, he wasn't happy with the situation. But you see that little membrane just under my thumb? It's connecting his lip to his hard palate. And it's not supposed to do that. The poor kid's lip was tied to the front of where his teeth will be. He couldn't extend his lip out to latch onto me, which was causing a chain reaction of sorts. He couldn't create the suction he needed to have to stay on to nurse, which meant that instead, he was clamping down with his jaw and hard palate to try to stay latched on. AND he wasn't getting a good meal every time because the work exhausted him and the lack of progress during the feed bored him.

So I was in excruciating pain and Lukas was super frustrated. Katherine said most dentists and doctors won't treat lip tie because it's a relatively new thing to treat it. Most doctors would just tell moms to switch to formula unless the tie was so bad that it hindered other functions of his mouth. The problem with that, though, is that damage can be done by lip tie quite early and it's much harder to fix later. Complications of lip tie include tooth damage, difficulty learning to brush teeth, possibility of a tooth gap in the front and thus, braces, and even things like speech impediments if it hindered his lip locomotion badly enough. Katherine had worked with one dentist within a few hundred miles who would do surgery on a newborn, so we decided to meet her there yesterday so that we could make sure it really was lip tie and possibly get it fixed right away.

I was pretty emotional about the decision. If it was ONLY going to improve his breastfeeding, I didn't know that I was willing to cut something on my newborn baby. However, if it was going to decrease his risk of other complications, I figured we needed to get it fixed. I felt better when I learned that the dentist we were going to see used a laser to do the surgery. The wound would be cauterized right away, there would be no blood, the surgery would take about 10 seconds, and while he'd be uncomfortable for about a day, there would be very few other complications. Compared to the old method of snipping it with scissors, I was much more okay with this option.

That said, I also knew something had to be done. I was quickly slipping into something similar to post-partum depression. The low point was when I realized that I wanted my kid to sleep all day and was dreading when he'd wake up because I knew he'd be hungry. What kind of mom never wants to see her kid awake? I had started pumping my left side to help with the pain, and we bottle trained him so that Pete could do some feedings...but I really didn't want to lose the ability to breastfeed my son. However, I couldn't do what we were doing anymore. I was crying every time I thought about feeding him, the stress was keeping me awake even when I could find time to take a nap, and Pete was really starting to worry about my emotional health.

When we met Katherine and the dentist, they established pretty quickly that it was a severe lip tie, and a relatively minor tongue tie that might correct itself on its own. We decided to do the surgery. WHICH WAS TRAUMATIC.

Checking Lukie's mouth to make sure it was as bad as she thought.

I sat in the chair and held his arms still while the hygienist held his mouth open and Katherine (in the black and white) held his head still. We all had to wear protective eye gear, and Lukie was NOT pleased whent he hygienist put them on his eyes.

Eye gear. PISSED him off.

I was fine until I smelled the hygienist testing the laser on a piece of paper and it smelled like burning. I lost it. I was terrified of them getting that thing close to his mouth and started crying. In my defense, there had been a lot of stress lately and this was kind of the cherry on top. But that's the explanation for why the dentist is more worried about comforting me than Lukas in the next picture...

Seeing that little lip sticking out is STILL killing me today.

The surgery took ten seconds, and Katherine said she could immediately feel tension release in his jaws and face when the dentist said, "I got it." I was able to nurse Luke within two minutes and the difference was night and day. It wasn't pain free-- I mean, it took three weeks to get to excruciating, so it might take a few days to get to just fine...but it wasn't anything like what we'd been experiencing since he was born.

So that's where we are. Luke had a bit of a rough night (I think he was a little sore), but he's a little drugged up with Tylenol right now, so he's sleeping. I actually had a better night than I have been having knowing that any pain I was feeling while he nursed was going to get better. Knowing why he was crying helped, too. And I'm sleeping better knowing that he's getting enough to eat now. He had gained 1 lb. 12 oz. since his birth, but Katherine said that rapid weight gain would have slowed down as my milk supply dwindled because he couldn't empty me out each time he ate. I'm glad we went to her when we did; she said that she often sees babies that are really skinny because moms wait too long to address the issue.

Oddly enough, the surgery changed his mouth shape just a little bit. He has a much more pronounced cupid's bow on his upper lip. It's adorable. Not that he wasn't adorable before, and not that I would have changed him for the world, but I know that he feels better and that he and I are going to be okay trying to do this breastfeeding thing together.

Here's Lukie on this three-week birthday, with his new extra pronounced cupid's bow, and feeling a little drugged up but full and less stressed-out.

2 weeks old!

It's been a little while since I updated...and during that time, Lukie turned 2 weeks old!

On Monday, Lukas made what we hope was the first of a lifetime of trips to the library. We forgot to take many pictures, but I guess he slept the entire time, anyway. We did make sure to get a picture with Grandma Rebecca, though!

Wednesday was a trip to the Andrew Johnson Museum to meet Pete's co-workers and Joanne and Emily, the two ladies who volunteer at the museums. It was a nice visit. Again, Lukas slept the whole time. The car seat really puts this kid to sleep.

I'm considering Lukie and my first trip to the grocery store alone tomorrow. We'll see. I'm getting used to wearing a baby carrier around my chest, so if I feel comfortable enough using that, we might make the trip!

We close with some pictures of Lukie-- I think these were taken either Tuesday or Wednesday, so we'll call them his two-week photos!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yesterday was my 27th birthday. Pete and Lukie gave me a nap, basically the best present ever.

I was thinking earlier that it was simultaneously the lamest and most awesome birthday ever. We didn't do anything- didn't go out to dinner, didn't have cake and ice cream, nothing like that (though I did have pie and cupcakes the night before while Pete's parents were here). BUT, I did have my son here, and he is wonderful. I got to smell his baby breath (weirdly one of my favorite smells in the world) and play with his full head of hair and watch him fall asleep on my chest in what I like to think of as his baby gorilla position.

So it was a pretty great birthday.

 (Lukas on Aunt Lynessa's quilt)

Today we went to Walmart to pick up a couple essentials. I spent the whole time watching out for people who wanted to get too close to my kid and breathe on him. Gonna have to get over that, I guess.

(Hanging out in Daddy's arm)

1 Week and 1 Day Old!

Little Lukie is 1 week and 1 day old! I tried to get a picture of him yesterday for his one-week birthday, but he was a little frustrated in the evening and had a goopy eye. Kiddo has a blocked tear duct, which of course had me freaking out, but it was better this morning. I imagine it's just something that's going to flare up every once in a while, and when it does, I'll just use a warm compress until it clears up again. I was afraid it was going to last a long time-- in just a few hours, I was missing his beautiful eyes.

He's doing better on the day/night thing as well. He was up four times last night, but each time, after nursing, he went back down within 10 minutes and slept for another 2-3 hours until he was hungry again. That's a VAST improvement over the whole wake up/spend 2.5 hours awake/kill Mommy routine he was in for a few days there.

Pete's parents are here, and I'm making a coconut pie, I guess for my own birthday tomorrow? It's Pete's special request. That's okay-- baking makes me feel a little more normal. Getting back into something like my own routine, even if it's really, really modified, is a good thing. I vacuumed this morning...might not have been according to doctor's orders, but it helped me feel productive and that's a big deal.

The next thing I'm looking forward to is seeing Luke smile while he's awake. He makes these adorable, heart-melting grins while he's sleeping. It'll be awesome to see him do it while those beautiful eyes are looking at me.

We're new at this...

We've had a rough first 24 hours at home. We should have seen it coming-- we were rear-ended leaving the hospital parking lot. It was just a "love tap" from a little old lady, but it was maybe a bad omen.

At the hospital, the nurses were expressing just a little bit of concern that Lukas hadn't peed yet. He'd had a few BM's of just meconium, and he urinated a couple of times before his circumcision, but hadn't peed since his surgery that morning. They told us to go ahead and take him home, but to call the ward if he hadn't peed by 9 p.m. We called when he hadn't urinated, but since he wasn't really fussing or anything, the nurse told us to call back in the morning if he hadn't been able to wet a diaper.

Lukas has, so far, been a day sleeper. He spent all evening the first day home sleeping in his Pack 'n Play in the dining room (thanks to the ladies and gentlemen of KPL for that AWESOME contraption). He started to get fussy at bedtime, however, on his first night at home. He was, we thought, extremely gassy. That was a problem we'd experienced on his second night in the hospital, so we gave him some gas drops and spent the next 6 hours or so bouncing, burping, rocking, and doing just about everything we could think of to helping pass gas. Nothing was working, and somewhere around 2 a.m., his screams turned into clear expressions of absolute and total pain. It was AWFUL. Lukas was letting out these horrible, high-pitched, short little wails that just broke both of our hearts (and my mother's-- she was there trying to help us). We called the nurses, and they told us to call our pediatrician's answer service, which would relay the call to him. He would tell us what to do.

At about 3 or so, we spoke to a nurse in Knoxville who had taken the call to the pediatrician, and she told us to give him an ounce of formula and see if he was able to pee. She warned us that if he hadn't peed by the time she called back in 2 or 3 hours, we'd need to take him to the emergency room. We were both so worried, and while Lukas had finally fallen sleep on top of me, we knew something was wrong. In hindsight, he was starting to show signs of dehydration- his skin was kind of ashy and looked more wrinkly than it had in the hospital. The nurse had told us to watch the soft spot on the top of his head, and it wasn't sunken like she had said it might be if he was dehydrated, but now we know the dehydration was starting to show.

We gave him that ounce of formula...and he drank it so fast I was afraid he'd make himself sick. I felt awful. My son was just so crazy hungry and thirsty that it was sending him into hysterics, and I couldn't tell because I had no way of knowing how much fluid he was getting through nursing. Lukas was was exhausted from almost 6 straight hours of crying that he immediately and finally fell sleep. As far as I can remember (the whole thing's a blur), we put Lukas in his bassinet, and Pete and I fell into a really fitful, scared sleep for a couple of hours.

The nurse called again somewhere around 6:30 and asked if he had wet his diaper yet. I sprang out of bed to check, and he hadn't. She said we needed to go to the E.R. and we got ready in about ten minutes. Lukas hadn't been home for a day, and I was just 2.5 days post-partum, but we were going back to the hospital. Few things can make you feel crappier-- not only is your kid sick, but you're worried that you're not going to be able to do this and keep him safe if you couldn't even make it through his first 12 hours at home without a catastrophe happening.

We got to the ER and the nurses seemed genuinely happy to see us. I imagine that after you spend an evening taking care of people who are really seriously sick, or drunk, or made a stupid decision that ended poorly for them or for their kids, it's nice to see a sleeping baby, even if he doesn't feel good. Lukas was still fast asleep at this point-- he was just that worn out from crying all night.

After a bladder scan, which showed that he did indeed have about 1 ml of urine in his bladder, Lukas peed on the nurse. I started bawling, and Pete sat there comforting me while asking the nurses questions. They gave him a bottle of Pedialyte, which the kid drank with everything he had. After checking to make sure that nothing else was wrong, we sat in the ER for an hour and were discharged with instructions to supplement his breastfeedings with formula and offer him Pedialyte between feedings.

I am so relieved to know what was wrong with him. He looks a million times better this afternoon- his color is back and his skin is filled out. In fact, he's turned around 180 degrees from looking like a wrinkly old man to about the cutest newborn I've ever seen (I'm biased).

Lukas is Here!

We had a doctor's appointment Tuesday morning. I hadn't planned to start taking my FMLA leave until the following Monday, but the doctor told us that my water was bulging and acting like it might break at any time. We decided then and there that I should start taking leave that day. It was too risky to drive to Kingsport every day, since our doctor and hospital were in Greeneville. I felt pretty lame taking off almost two weeks before my due date, but ultimately, I think it was the right decision.

I'd been complaining about being in the "just in case" stage of pregnancy. I did some work on Tuesday "just in case"-- vacuumed the house, cleaned the bathroom, did a little grocery shopping so there'd be some food if we had to leave and Pete's student should have to stay the night to take care of the dogs.

My water broke at about 5 a.m....but it was just a little trickle. I took a quick shower, and we grabbed the bags and headed to the hospital. Neither of us could really believe what was happening- it was dark outside, and we were the only ones driving through Greeneville, kind of freaking out that we were about to go have our baby. Once at the hospital, where they established that my water had indeed broken, we were admitted and the fun began. Since I was still only having irregular and completely un-painful contractions, they started me on Pitocin. Latent labor started at about 6:45 or so.

Contractions started getting painful at about 10 a.m. or so. Pitocin doesn't really let you "warm up" to contractions, so once they started, they were pretty intense. I made it until about 1 p.m. before we elected to have an epidural. I just wasn't progressing, and with the intensity of the contractions, and me only halfway dilated, I was worried that I'd be too tired at the transition stage to push. I felt a little guilty-- I had honestly hoped I could make it through labor without the pain medication. In hindsight, we made the right decision. The epidural almost completely took away my pain for about 4 hours so that Pete and I could both get some rest. Pete was even able to nap a bit. I laid there pretty close to sleeping, and we were able to have a little quiet time to talk about what was going on.

The pain started coming back at about 5 p.m., and dilation happened pretty quickly after that. With the nurse's guidance, we decided to go ahead and "labor down" for awhile to get him pushed down a little further before I had to physically push on my own. At about 5:45, we started pushing, and things were progressing really really quickly-- the nurses called Dr. Nelson (not our doctor, but the one on call the day before July 4th) to let him know that things were going to happen in a hurry.

Then it all kind of stopped. Lukas stopped progressing, and got caught behind my pelvic bones. For the next hour and a half, we pushed and NOTHING happened. Finally, Dr. Nelson informed us that at 2 hours, we were approaching the point at which he'd have to intervene. He wanted to get the operating room ready to go, and have things prepped in case, after trying to use forceps to pull him out (which was unlikely to work, since Lukas was such a tight fit and he couldn't get the forceps around his head), we were going to have to have an emergency c-section.

There are few things in this world that he could have said that would have scared me so much, and I started to double down (not that I wasn't pushing about as hard as I could already). Dr. Nelson left to get things arranged in the OR. Almost as soon as he left, I got Lukas past my bone and the nurses were telling me to breathe through the contractions because he was coming really quickly and the doctor wasn't back yet. It was (I think, it's hard to tell) about 6 minutes later when Lukas arrived.

Little kiddo is 7 lbs. 8 oz., 20 1/4 inches long, has an almost 14 inch head, and is just about perfect.

Waiting...

I don't really have a right to be as frustrated as I am, I suppose. I mean, the official due date is still a week and a half away...but goodness gracious, am I ready to do this thing. The doc says she's expecting us to go sometime in the next couple of days. I'm just super worried she's wrong and I'll still be pregnant in two weeks. I'm am SO done being pregnant.

Lukas is being served his eviction notice.